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Dear Abby:
My sister and I have no interest in body piercing (except our ears), but we have seen it on friends and are not impressed. However, our 44-year-old mom got her nipples pierced and has started wearing jewelry there!
Our parents are divorced, and she’s not in a relationship right now, so it’s not to impress a man. She says she did it to feel good about herself, which makes no sense to us. She takes off her top to show her female friends when they come over, and we can see them literally roll their eyes, but she doesn’t seem to notice.
She has now started showing off her piercings to our friends. I’m talking about girlfriends, but even so, we find this beyond embarrassing. They’re polite to her face but laugh behind her back, and word about it has spread, which we find humiliating. I suppose we should be thankful that at least she hasn’t pierced her most personal place to show off to our friends like we’ve seen some girls do.
We think some kind of midlife crisis or hormonal imbalance is causing her to act this way, but we wish she’d find a better outlet. If she wants to make a fool of herself in front of her friends, that’s one thing. But we don’t think she has the right to embarrass us in front of our friends! What can we do?
Embarrassed in the West
Dear Embarrassed:
I agree that what your mother has been doing is inappropriate. That she has done it among her friends is one thing, but for her to disrobe to show your friends her nipple piercings is wrong. She may do this because she wants to prove to them (or herself) that she’s still young and “with-it.” If that’s the case, it’s pathetic.
If you haven’t told her that when she flashes your friends it’s embarrassing and you want her to stop, you should. If she realizes she’s making herself a laughingstock, she may stop. However, if she doesn’t, then you and your sister will have to accept that you can’t change her and realize that what she’s doing is no reflection on the two of you.
Dear Abby:
I am a “catfisher.” I use a fake Facebook account with pictures of an attractive woman to attract men. I specifically target married or committed men. I talk to and flirt with them online to see how far they’ll go. They often ask me for more pictures and invite me to meet somewhere for sex. I never give real information or meet any of them.
Should I let the women these men are involved with know that their men are unfaithful?
Karma in Georgia
Dear Karma:
How can you be concerned for the wives and girlfriends when you are the person providing the temptation? I think you would be better served if you worked on your own problem before you try to resolve the issues of people you have never met and never will.
DearAbby.comDear AbbyP.O. Box 69440Los Angeles, CA 90069Universal Press Syndicate
Ready to do something new with your look? All month long we’re asking our 25 favorite influencers to share their 25 best beauty ideas for spring. Look out for the 25×25 logo here on Lipstick and on our social channels—@get_lipstick on Instagram and @glamourmag on Snapchat—for exclusive tips, tricks, and tutorials. Up next: the piercings you will want to rock in 2016. Read on!
In case you haven’t paid attention when scrolling through your Instagram recently, piercings are chicer than ever. And we’re not just talking about a few extra studs in your lobe. We talked to J. Colby Smith, piercing expert at New York Adorned and embellisher to the beautiful and famous, to get his take on the most requested styles right now— including updates on holes you may already have. (We’re looking at you, butterfly belly ring.)
1. Smiley
A smiley runs through a tiny (and fast healing) piece of skin that hangs slightly over your front teeth. Smith finds that people who have their septum done, but are getting bored with it are taking the next step with this piercing. He tells us, “It’s a little rose or yellow gold ring that sits on the inside of mouth, and the ring just brushes across the top row of teeth.” And as he points out, the septum has held top dog status for quite a while. “Six years of septum popularity are giving way to this look. I think this next year it’s really going to explode.”
2. Conch
Conch piercings are in the major part of the ear cartilage, which requires more healing time than your ear lobe. And since you’re going to be in for more of a long haul with the piece you pick for this piercing, you’ve got to be choosy. “The secret to having a piercing that is not only fashionable, but works with your personal style, is having the right jewelry,” says Smith. “Using a ring or tiny stud can change the whole feel of an ear piercing like a conch, and it won’t be boring.”
3. Daith
Piercings aren’t necessarily just about a fashion statement. Smith shared that some of his clients seek out a Daith piercing for migraine relief (who knew?). “We light candles, burn sage, and focus on the moment,” Smith says. “Making this experience about the client can give them what they need by connecting the mind and body.” Although he doesn’t claim a medical benefit to this piercing, clients do sometimes experience a change in their condition (and obviously, their style).
4. Nipple
When done right, this piercing ($9) is sexy rather than tacky (a semi-NSFW look here). Just ask Bella Hadid. Smith explains his view that “there are two types of people who get pierced: people who want to show everything off and the other are ones who just like to have these cool little secrets.” Not every piercing has to be on your face, and they certainly don’t need to be on display, unless you want them to be (cough, #freethenipple, cough).
5. Septum
Yes, the septum piercing— which passes through a very small space in the nose cartilage—is still very much in. Smith attributes the placement’s ever-growing popularity with the balance it brings to the face. “A well-sized septum ring or chain brings out the wearer’s eyes and lips,” says Smith. “More people are choosing this look and it’s even becoming part of a classic and clean aesthetic.”
6. Tongue
Before you think of ’90s-era rockers, consider a teeny tiny gold speck ($57) as a cool-right-now option to the existing bars and balls. Smith recalls a model client who had to talk him into piercing her tongue. “She just wanted this little gold thing, and it didn’t look obnoxious or trashy. It looked adorable and sweet and worked with her job,” Smith says.
7. Navel
Like the oft maligned tongue, navels used to be pierced at a much larger gauge of needle, leaving a bigger hole. Smith has the chic solution. “Swapping a bar for two identical rings ($7) elevates the whole style and make it high-waist-pants-proof,” Smith says. “You don’t have to settle for a scar or a butterfly chain.”
Making any piercing work for you is about working with a skilled practitioner, who has access to jewelry that nails your personal aesthetic and fits your lifestyle. But if you need some more inspo, Smith’s Instagram is a veritable gold mine.
Watch Nicole Richie Get a Piercing:
Photos: Instagram/jcolbysmith; Amazon.com
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I grew up in a family without tattoos. Without piercings. Without body modifications. Sure, my mother, grandmother, and many of my female cousins had pierced ears, but none of the men. I didn’t have an uncle with a Sailor Jerry-style tat on his chest. I didn’t have an aunt with a nose ring, or lower lip stud. And my parents and grandparents … well, their skin was pristine. Pockmarked and freckled, blemished and stretched, but otherwise intact. Otherwise “perfect.”
So where my love for body modification came from I am not so sure; all I do know is that I was asking for a belly-button piercing by time I was 12, I wanted to dye my hair “crazy colors” shortly after I turned 13, and a tattoo? Well, I started doodling on my skin with gel pens during sophomore science class, and I never stopped. I never looked back.
I was young and impulsive. I couldn’t wait, I wouldn’t wait; and the day I turned 18 I decided to mark the occasion the only way I knew how: with a “passionate” tattoo.
And while my mother let me get a second hole in my ear and small diamond studs in my cartilage (for my sixteenth birthday) that was as far as she was going. Everything else had to wait until I was 18. Until I was out on my own.
But I was young and impulsive. I couldn’t wait, I wouldn’t wait; and the day I turned 18 I decided to mark the occasion the only way I knew how: with a “passionate” tattoo. A spur-of-the-moment, “look, I’m an adult now” tattoo. A rebellious tattoo. A stupid, stupid tattoo.
Make no mistake, I love my tattoos — and my ear piercings, my navel piercing, my nostril piercing … and yes, my nipple piercings. But I didn’t get my first tattoo because I loved modifications or appreciated art. I didn’t get my first tattoo because it was meaningful or empowering. I got my first tattoo because I said I would. I got my first tattoo because I could. I got my first tattoo because I loved pissing off my mom. (Sorry, Mom!)
Since that tattoo, I have become something of a body modification aficionado – I have 14 body piercings, a rib tattoo, a thigh tattoo, an inner wrist tattoo, two “tramp stamps” (and, yes, both were acquired when I was 18), and a full sleeve. In fact, I have more tattoos than I can count, since most of my pieces meld right into the next. But you know what? My piercings don’t make me masochistic, a degenerate, or some sort of delinquent. My tattoos don’t make unemployable. And my body modifications definitely do not make me a “bad mom.”
You see, I’ve heard it all:
What does your mother think?
Oh, Kimberly, what will other people will think?
Are they permanent?
What will you do about your tattoos when you get older?
Why did you get your tattoos? I mean, you were so pretty; you were so smart.
But after my daughter was born, I heard a slew of new questions:
Will you get any more tattoos, now that you are a mom?
Do you regret your tattoos, now that you’re a mom?
How do you explain your tattoos to other moms?
How are you going to explain your tattoos to Amelia when she’s old enough?
I’ve always remained confused by these questions for the same reasons. But namely this: What exactly do I have to explain here? What precisely do I have to tell her? That her mother has a penchant for art and loves self-expression? That I am “different” and “unique” and damn proud of it? That my tattoos make me feel feminine, sexy, and beautiful? That my modifications make me me, and it’s for that very reason I am not sorry, and I will never be sorry?
My modifications don’t make me a bad mom nor a better mom. They are but a part of who I am. They are but a part of the woman I am.
I know tattoos and piercings aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s cool. (Totally cool.) But that doesn’t mean tattoos are wrong. That doesn’t mean piercings are bad. And that doesn’t mean those who sport body modifications are “scary,” dangerous, uneducated, or downright stupid. (Hi; college grad here — one who left with 3.9 GPA, and top honors.)
Because here’s the thing: My modifications don’t make me a bad mom nor a better mom. They are but a part of who I am. They are but a part of the woman I am. As such, I don’t identify as a “pierced woman,” a “tattooed woman,” or a “modified woman,” I identity as a strong woman. A smart woman. A fierce woman. I am a writer, a runner, a feminist, a mental health advocate, and a mom. Not Modified Mom, but just Mom. A mom who loves her daughter intensely, yet gently. A mom who holds her daughter closely, yet also gives her the space to learn, to thrive, to grow.
I am a mom who cries with her daughter, and in front of her. A woman who is as sensitive as she is strong. I am mom who encourages courteous behavior, a mom who acknowledges the importance of words like “please” and “thank you.” A mom who is teaching her daughter how to ask for help.
I am teaching her it’s okay to ask for help.
But I am also an active mom, a fun mom. Most afternoons, we sing songs in her tent every morning, we run through the park — chasing ducks and little boys. And we go for an “ice cream date” every Tuesday because, well, because it is BOGO day, and I cannot resist a free sundae. We read together. We sing and dance together. We laugh together.
Because I am a mom — a mom with piercings and tattoos, bright pink hair and a half-shaven head. A mom who loves her daughter.
Fiercely, endlessly, and unconditionally.
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Piercings and tattoos have become more and more popular, and body art is no longer seen as just for sailors or criminals, but for young people who want to have something important to them etched onto them permanently.
“I have the phrase ‘walk humbly’ tattooed on my right shoulder blade,” international studies junior Audra Brulc said. “I got it for a couple reasons. It’s part of my mom’s favorite scripture verse, and she’s the most important person in my life, and I’m really passionate about social justice. So it’s a reminder to treat both the environment and other people with humility and respect.”
Brulc is one of many college students getting tattoos to symbolize important aspects of their lives. According to a study by Project Innovation in 2007, nearly 27 percent of 400 students at a large southeastern university had a tattoo.
Since then, tattoos have become even more commonplace, because body art is becoming viewed as sentimental and artistic.
In addition, people are finding it more acceptable to have tattoos now, especially ones that are easily covered up, Brulc said.
College students tend to be creative, free and experimental and seem to enjoy the idea of a tattoo now, but it could ultimately cost them a dream job.
“It’s frustrating because there are a lot of designs and ideas that are meaningful and beautiful to me, but I’m holding off because of ‘professionalism,’” Brulc said.
Tattoos are still seen as unprofessional in most high-end businesses, and in most medical fields, they are not allowed unless they are covered by scrubs.
This makes students think even harder about where and what they want on their bodies.
“Placement was definitely a factor for me,” Brulc said. “I want to go into nonprofits after I graduate, so I think if I had a couple more tattoos that could be covered, it wouldn’t hurt my job search.”
With around seven tattoo and piercing shops in Norman alone, the business of body art is booming.
“I have three tattoos — two on my right arm and one on my right index finger. I also have a nose ring and a smiley piercing,” said Carl Roberts, letters and German senior.
Each of these tattoos is incredibly meaningful to Roberts, he said.
“They’re all things that are a part of who I am and who I was growing up,” Roberts said. “It’s a constant reminder that this thing is still important to me now but shaped who I am today, and it’s kind of nice to have that on you. It’s like being comfortable with yourself.”
Roberts’ tattoos include Tulsa’s area code (918), where he grew up, the Led Zeppelin symbols for each band member and J.R.R Tolkien’s symbol.
“I wouldn’t want to be an academic and want to read books if it weren’t for Tolkien,” Roberts said.
Roberts spent the last year studying abroad in Leipzig, Germany, where piercings and tattoos don’t have the same social stigma that they do here, and he isn’t too worried about getting a job with his body art.
“I don’t think I’ll have a problem in academia,” Roberts said. “In knowing academics, generally speaking, academics only cares about the work that they do, especially in the social sciences and humanities.”
Roberts wants to become a professor, hopefully abroad. But if he wanted to stay in the U.S. and work at a high school, things would be different.
“I’d have to take out my nose ring for sure and wear long sleeve shirts for the rest of my life,” Roberts said. “That seems to be the standard — no visible tattoos or piercings.”
In fact, according to the Oklahoma City Public Schools Substitute Teacher Handbook, teachers are not allowed to have any facial jewelry outside of ear peircings.
Both Brulc and Roberts feel that as millennials take over managerial positions, the stigma on body art will have to change.
“I think smaller/script tattoos are becoming pretty acceptable,” Brulc said. “I’m not sure how long it will take like half sleeves and stuff to be professionally acceptable, but I’m hoping as our generation enters the workforce they’ll lose their stigma.”
Roberts said he feels more assured that as millennials become prominent in the workforce, the stigma will indeed change.
“If you want to hire good people and want to hire people with no visible tattoos and piercings, you’re going to have a very hard time,” Roberts said. “I really do think in 20 or 30 years having a tattoo or piercing won’t be a problem.”
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This digital document is an article from Internal Medicine News, published by Thomson Gale on September 1, 2005. The length of the article is 528 words. The page length shown above is based on a typical 300-word page. The article is delivered in HTML format and is available in your Amazon.com Digital Locker immediately after purchase. You can view it with any web browser.
Citation Details
Title: Body piercings, tattoos may reflect suicidality.(Psychiatry)
Author: Bruce Jancin
Publication: Internal Medicine News (Magazine/Journal)
Date: September 1, 2005
Publisher: Thomson Gale
Volume: 38 Issue: 17 Page: 28(1)
Distributed by Thomson Gale
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