The White Trash Test is a hilarious series of questions sprinkled with profound commentary seeking to define and identify what is commonly referred to as “white trash.” The author earned his credentials for writing The White Trash Test by practicing law nearly 27 years in Las Vegas, Nevada, the white trash capital of the world, as he represented degenerate gamblers, prostitutes, drug addicts, fraudsters, freeloaders, unfit mothers, deadbeat dads, and ungrateful, psychopathic, disenfranchised, blackmailing opportunists. Additional “research” was accomplished by frequenting karaoke dive bars till dawn and consorting with topless dancers. Drawing upon this varied experience, the author asks, “Just how white trash are you?” Taking the White Trash Test is the best way to find out. The author defines white trash without regard to any particular race “as satisfying various stereotypical profiles which are generally the opposite of being a logical, admired, smart, educated, achieving, well off, healthy, tastefully refined, responsibly courteous, fair, honest, law-abiding citizen.” The book has 11 chapters offering commentary and analysis about Las Vegas, drugs, gambling, prostitution, tattoos, body piercings, the legal system, and some of the characteristics shared by the author’s typical white trash clients. For example, with respect to methamphetamine and gambling, according to the author, the use of meth causes some people to believe they can control the slot and video poker machines, and the methhead begins to believe THE MACHINE has a living personality. According to the author, degenerate gamblers play to lose and consider their comps to be their winnings, and methheads want to lose even more. In the author’s opinion, Las Vegas casinos would lose over a third of their gaming machine revenue if it were not for the availability of methamphetamine. In addition, there are 81 test chapters containing more than 700 white trash test questions. Boxes at the end of each chapter allows the reader to score themselves in each white trash category. A sampling of the white trash test chapters includes Cigarettes, Methamphetamine Use, Your Ride, White Trash Clothing, Bar Behavior, Tattoos, Body Piercings, Incest, and Where You Live. At the end of the book is the “White Trash Test Continuum Grading Scale,” and there the reader will find out just how white trash they really are. One can score up to 10 points and still be a “pillar of society” or reach the level of “white trash” and beyond by scoring more than 100 points. Some of the test questions are: Does your trailer leak? Do you claim your meth use is merely to self-medicate your bi-polar condition? Do you smoke a cigarette after sex? Does your dog have spikes on its collar? Did you buy a boob job on time payments? Does duct tape, baling wire, and spit hold your car together? Have you urinated outside a bar in public? and Did you shoot the Smokey Bear sign with a shotgun? A must read for parents trying to raise good kids. A must read for kids trying to avoid becoming white trash. An insightful and humorous read for all.
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The White Trash Test
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